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#69 Tuesday, September 12, 2006 |
My Final Rant, Or: How My Heroes Fell
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First off when there were rumors that Big Brother 6
was going to be an All-Stars edition I said I was against it and those shows
are never as good as a regular cast. However, as the hype started to build
for this season, I was getting really excited. How would these great players
compete? Who would align with who? Would they really bring in a cast-member
from Big Brother 1? Just imagine, Evil Dr. Will from season two trying to
outfox Danielle "The Devil" from season three. Then, add in the Janelle,
Howie, and Kaysar from BB6, three of the most popular players in reality TV,
I was stoked, I couldn’t wait for July!
|
Look Who didn't make it back into the house: Bunky Miller, Dana Varela, Monica Baily,
Lisa Donahue, Michael "Cowboy" Ellis, Ivette Corredero.
Mike "Boogie" Malin did make it in, and according to our poll, he
was liked less than any of them. |
Prior to the first show, the public got to vote in six
players, and former HGs were popping up everywhere to campaign for your
vote, and they were popping up in our chat room too, which was a blast. So
the big night rolls around, and we get to see who the All-Star cast will be. Julie announced the four girls to be picked first. Janelle, Erika, Diane,
and Nakomis, and right away, I noticed that Alison was missing from the
America’s vote contestants. You see, we had done our own poll, of more than
ten thousand people, and Alison beat Erika, Diane, and Nakomis. Julie went
on to announce the four guys, Howie, Kaysar, James, and Jase.
Once again, not the four guys our poll picked, we had Howie, Kaysar, Will
and Marcellas.
Here’s what went wrong: Fans were using automatic
voting software to bump up their favorites, and the CBS web site was
allowing each person to vote as often as they wanted and at some point they
capped the voting at 400 votes per person (IP address). This is the same
problem with American Idol voting. The network wants to say "50
Million People Voted." so the numbers sound so big and important, but it
wasn’t 50 million people, it was a small fraction of people voting hundreds
of times. We should really campaign for a "one vote per phone number" system
on all these shows.
Julie asked the remaining guests if they were
surprised they weren't voted in by the public? Marcellas said he was
devastated, "After all I am America's gay sweetheart." Well dry those tears
little buckaroo, the fans liked you better than James, Diane and Nakomis,
CBS just doesn’t know how to take a poll. Julie picked the next six keys:
Will, Danielle, Marcellas, Alison, Mike Boogie, and the final key went to
Chicken George. Wait! Mike Boogie? He only got 1% of the popular vote, he
came in dead last. Why would the producers put him in there? Well, as we
would later discover, the producers really wanted Dr. Will (so did the fans)
and Will told them he had demands, Bunky was out and Boogie was in, or no
Evil Dr. Will was pulling strings and getting his way long before the show
started.
Regardless of the method, we ended up with a great
cast, and Boogie, and I couldn’t wait to see what my favorites from past
seasons would do, and as a fan of season six, I felt sure that they got
together, looked at their goofs, made adjustments, and would steamroll
through that house to the final four, well, maybe three.
Let’s see how my heroes fell in order of eviction:
Alison was the first evicted. Alison is a cutthroat
player. Nothing stands between her and the finish line, get in her way, and
you’re history. Unfortunately, we already know that. Not only did we see her
take-no-prisoners approach in BB3, she gave an encore performance on The
Amazing Race. To win, Alison needed to shed her ruthless image and take them
by surprise. She should have sobbed and said she was homesick, that she
missed her boyfriend Dr. Jason, acted weak until she could build up an
alliance. What she did was to try to mastermind a coup in the first week,
she told everyone that her relationship with Jason was on the rocks because
she lied to him, and then started playing secret agent by hiding in pottery. She showed she’s a threat, announced she’s still a liar, and overplayed the
game. So much for Alison.
Nakomis:
I know that I’m going to upset a lot of
Nakomis fans by saying this: But I don’t get it? Why is she a fan favorite
and so trusted? She promised Cowboy that she’d never nominate him, and then
she did. She promised him he was safe and only a pawn, but he was not. She
lied like crazy, which on this show isn’t a bad thing, but let’s not
sugar-coat it, I wouldn’t trust her to pack my parachute. After being
nominated she almost made it to safety, but she was a double agent for Chill
Town, so she would have been evicted later anyway.
Jase: Will said it best; in that he broke the rule of
being a nominee by being conspicuous and making the voters feel
uncomfortable. If he had kept his mouth shut and started washing dishes and
folding other people’s laundry there’s no telling how far he would have
gone. Quiet and helpful would have saved him until his alliance with Chill
Town did him in.
Diane: In general, this just isn’t her game. Don’t get
me wrong, she seems like a nice person, but in BB5 she was constantly in
trouble, calling out alliances, blabbing to the girl alliance every word
Drew said to her and she just doesn’t do well under stress. Drew took her to
the finals by evicting the people she pissed off (Holly Scott, Jase.). It’s
a shame the whole Mr. & Mrs. Smith rumor had to taint the game
Kaysar: Kaysar, dude, what went wrong? He was
completely off his game. He was always so depressed it was quite clear he
didn’t want to be in the house, and it made his eviction easier. He goofed
on several levels, but I’ll get to those later.
Marcellas:
Another one that just didn’t play this
year. Here’s where I think Marcellas went wrong: He seems dawn to pretty
people, and he shuns everyone that buys their underwear at Target. It wasn’t
of any help for him to team up with Janelle or anyone from season six. It
appears that alliances of two do very well in this game, i.e., Jason and
Danielle, Drew and Diane, Mike and Will (I can hear James’ voice ‘This is
not a team sport.’) Marcellas would have done best to team up with Chicken
George. No one would have expected it. Marcellas needed to get out of bed
and wash some dishes with the Chickenman. Marcellas has studied this game
for three years, and there’s no excuse for not knowing that the bitchy one
is going to be voted off. All George needed was a guiding hand
(brain) and they could have ended up the surprise couple of the year.
Howie:
I know there are lots of people out there that
aren’t fans of Howie, but the guy makes me laugh, so I’m a fan. Howie didn’t
make his best showing this year, and I feel kinda let down. I didn’t mind
him throwing Boogie’s cap when he was evicted, I thought he could have
behaved worse. The problem was, he helped Chill Town and didn’t see what
they were doing. I thought that by the time George got to the
sequester house, Howie would have realized George wasn’t the problem and it
was really disappointing to see him still mad at George.
James: In season six I wanted to like James. I thought
he was just a little excited and nervous and made really bad choices. He
started off last year by saying he was a high school philosophy teacher, I
don’t even think there is such a thing. Then he swore to his alliance that
he and Sarah had never met, so when this spool of lies unraveled it branded
him a liar within his own alliance. Not trusting him, they planned on
throwing him under the bus when they no longer needed his vote. Sensing this
distrust, James tried to make other deals. This year, I figured James would
have seen that you need to stick by your alliance, make them feel secure,
show them you can be trusted. Nope! He ran through the house yelling that
his own alliance tried to throw him under the bus. He blatantly jumped from
side to side shouting "This is not a team sport!" "My own team threw me
under the bus!" "If you’re not on a team, you’re a floater, my team hates
floaters." I heard from so many people that said, "I really want to like
James, but he’s such a weasel." What a way to go out . .
.
Danielle: Oh what a disappointment! I’m such a huge
Danielle fan and she did terribly. Her mistakes are so obvious. She tried to
find a "Jason" and she picked James. How in the world is he like Jason?
Danielle, if you couldn’t find a 27 virgin Baptist, go for the next best
thing, take the Muslim. I admit that Kaysar was way off his game, but if
anyone could have whipped him into shape it was Danielle. She had a choice
between putting up Will or Boogie, but she puts up Kaysar. I guess she had
no way of knowing Erika had a thing with Boogie before she came in the
house, but instead of telling Will to get Janelle to fall in love with him,
she could have had Kaysar control Erika. Danielle’s supposed to be the
devil. Next time you start a Legion of Doom, make sure it’s not
your Doom the legion is after.
George:
So nice to see someone from my favorite
season. Producer Arnold Shapiro wasn’t sure about casting George and asked
him if was really going to try and play the game. You see, Big Brother One
didn’t have any real scheming in it, they ended up with eight nice people
taking turns on being nominated. George said he went to the audition for the
free medical exam, his insurance didn’t cover routine visits, and when
accepted to go on the show, he said he would try it because he loved to meet
new people. At first he didn’t think he’d get far, so the money wasn’t a
foremost issue in BB1. Shapiro didn’t want George just meeting new people,
he wanted an All-Star that would scheme and plot. George didn’t have many
schemes or plots, but he really stepped up to the plate and played hard. For
a while there I really thought it could be George and Janelle in the final
two. I think Shapiro should be very pleased with the effort made by George.
Dr. Will:
A near-perfect game! This guy is amazing,
and I don’t know how he does it. Before the show started, I figured Will
would have been the first kicked out. Even if you forget what a genius
player he is, he won once, he got his prize, goodbye. Second week, an easy
week for the HoH, Will says he needs to get back to the office, put him up,
send him home. When Will was still there the third week, I
really believed he’d win the game.
Janelle: Last year I applauded the producers for
picking Janelle. My readers would write, "Big Brother needs more older
people." "Big Brother should have two gay guys." "Big Brother should stop
filing the house with models." I said "Big Brother needs smarter HGs." And
they gave us Janelle. Beautiful, funny, and an IQ of 140. Now I have a
question: "How did she get so dumb in just one year?" What happened to her
fire? She was so easily manipulated and keep saying things like, "I don’t wanna put him up, he might get mad at me." And then at the very last minute
she did give us one of the most amazing moments in BB history when she said,
"I vote to evict you Dr. Will." I think that was better than Marcellas not
using the PoV to save himself. The look on Boogie’s face was priceless, oh
wait, no it wasn’t, it came to $500,000.
Erika:
I hope when she gets out and sees the tapes and
really studies the game, she’ll see she was a pawn A pawn that made one
great move in talking to Janelle the night before her eviction. Erika, stop
taking credit for the sun in the morning and the moon at night.
I think she’s going to be very hurt by the things Boogie said, so I won’t
add any more to that.
Boogie: Erika keeps calling him a spoiled brat, and he
truly is. One year for Christmas he asked for a hockey jersey and got it,
but the lettering was the wrong color. He was so mad he threw it outside in
the snow. He complained all through the season that the show catered too
much to the internet viewers. It damn well should. At $40 a pop we’re major
stock holders in Big Brother and we want our money’s worth. This means
adults that don’t talk about the producers by name, and not giving
shout-outs every five minutes to people that haven’t signed releases. I
know, I’ve already heard his reply, "Eat-a-dick," he said it many times.
He won, so screw us, and maybe I’m no better for not being a better sport
about this myself.
Now, about the Sovereign: Guys, what were you
thinking, didn’t you learn anything from season six? First of all you
shouldn’t worry that you look like a team, everyone’s going to think it
whether you are or not. You should have stuck together like glue. Each HoH
should have been a breeze with the support of the three other team members,
but no one got support, everyone ran off, leaving Kaysar, and most often
Janelle alone. This is how Will got to her, by holding her hand and giving
her encouragement. That HoH room door should have been locked to Chill Town
and anyone else. This was a winning team, which should have just plowed
through the house. But Howie’s off promising safety to Chill Town,
everyone’s trying to make a deal for next week, when next week another
member of the SOV is going to be HoH. James was part of the winningest team
in BB history, and leaves because they’re not throwing him the ball enough?
That’s crazy! You don’t quit the team when they’re winning. I blame part of
this on Kaysar. The SOV was like a team of stooges with no Moe to lead them. When Kaysar should have been cracking the whip getting the knuckleheads in
line, he was off smoking his hookah telling Erika how he wanted to go home,
he was lonely and depressed. Howie too would shrug his shoulders and let
Janelle nominate who she wanted. They should have planned all this out in
advance, they should have had a roster of evictions from the start, and just
gone down the list one at a time. The opposition tried to take out Janelle
from the start, a futile waste of energy. Kaysar was the only victim of
opposing forces, James and Howie were taken out from within, and look who
made it to the final four, Janelle, but instead of it being Howie and James
with her, it was Chill Town and Erika.
I didn’t understand why everyone feared Chill Town. Will has never won HoH, never won PoV, Boogie can’t remember anything from
ten minutes ago, and yet this alliance of two was at first, the most feared. There was no reason for it. There was no reason to ever speak to Will or
Boogie on a game level, because from the standpoint of power, they had none!
Their only power was given to them, willingly by their enemies. Why? I kept
waiting all season for the lightbulb to go off over someone’s head and see
what Will was doing. It never happened. I watched it, I saw him do it,
people were just stabbing their alliance members and friends in the back,
because Will told them to. Amazing!
So it looks like there will be a Big Brother Eight.
Along with all the mistakes the HGs made, the producers made their share
too. Since the beginning nearly all the same rules have been in place: No
singing. No talking about people outside the house that have not signed a
wavier. Producers or any DR staff member are not to be refereed to by name. HGs are not permitted to say how they’ll vote. HGs are not permitted to
reveal what was discussed in the DR. And if a HG breaks these rules, who is
punished? We are. There has never been a penalty nomination, or as they do
in other countries, the HGs loose money or privileges for breaking the rules
or not wearing their microphones, but here, they just let the paying
customers listen to theme music and watch screen savers. Hamsters can be
trained. There is no reason for a HG to know the names of the production
assistants (PA) or give shout-outs to them. In other Big Brother houses they
use a voice changer in the DR so the HGs don’t know who they’re talking to. All this talk about liking one PA over another, and all the names, it just
feeds the rumors that the game is fixed. Enforce the rules, train the
hamsters to be good HGs.
On the subject of rules. I’ve always felt there should
be more. These people have it way too easy. And the All-Stars felt they
should had things even easier. How did they figure that? All-Stars should be
able to take adversity to new extremes, but they wanted to sleep later and
stay in their robes all day, because they’re reality TV stars and have
agents and lawyers. In BB1, if you didn’t get out of bed in time there was
no hot water, good rule. For $40 a season I want to see my hamsters run
around the wheel, not lay in bed. The diet restriction stuff is old. Can’t
each individual earn their food? If they want to give it to someone that
didn’t work, that’s their business. It just doesn’t seem fair that for some
arbitrary reason half the house can’t eat. There would be much more drama if
it was up to the winners to decide how much of their food they’d go without
to feed the losers.
I could go on like this for pages, but then you’d
think I don’t like Big Brother, and for some crazy reason I do. In fact, I
Can’t Wait for Big Brother Eight! |